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Sarcastic FACEBOOK Statuses ;D

1.      A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

2.      A person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it.

3.      Don’t be humble. You’re not that great.

4.      Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

5.      Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

6.      He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.

7.      He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t.

8.      I don’t believe in plastic surgery,
But in your case,
Go ahead.

9.      I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.

10.  I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

11.  I like you. People say I’ve got no taste, but I like you.

12.  I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

13.  I’m impressed, I’ve never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.

14.  I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.

15.  If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

16.  If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.

17.  If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

18.  My loyalty cannot be brought, however, it can be rented.

19.  Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.

20.  Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

21.  Sarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the devil.

22.  Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.

23.  Someone who thinks logically, provides a nice contrast to the real world.

24.  Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

25.  That is the ugliest top Ive ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.

26.  The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.

27.  There’s too much blood in my caffeine system.

28.  Think I am sarcastic?
Watch me pretend to care!

29.  Violence won’t solve anything….But it sure makes me feel good.

30.  We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.

31.  You were looking good from afar.. now you’re far from looking good.

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