Which led me into thinking, and quite frankly real hard because it has happened to me, “Why does it happen?” and “What can we do about it?” I figured, I have to somehow know the answers to these questions so that I can at least give the proper advice to my friends and for me to know how to deal with it should it happen again. I have spent countless hours reading books written by relationship experts, as well as, regular people who have experienced the pain and “survived”.
The answer? ALL relationships have a cycle. First, you experience falling in love. You’re together as much as possible, when you’re not together you call and/or send text messages to each other every chance you get, you get excited with their kiss, you always long for their touch, heck, you don’t even care about their habits that would typically irritate you… Because you’re in love.
That first stage is easy. No effort at all. That’s why we call it “falling” in love because it’s something that hits us like a thief in the night. It’s the most natural thing in the world. We don’t plan it. It just happens.
But get this, after the excitement of falling in love, give it a few years or even months and it would eventually fade. Not that you don’t love the person anymore. It’s just that familiarity really makes the euphoria dwindle. Phone calls lessen, making love is not always given due to one reason or another and the habits which you accepted actually make you as irritable as hell since you hated those things in the first place. That can be considered the second phase of your relationship and keep this in mind, IT IS NATURAL…
When you’re in this stage, you and/or your love would contemplate on “Am I with the right person?”, “Is he/she my soulmate?” Then you’d reminisce about the first time you met, the excitement of your first kiss, of all the great things that has happened during the first few months/years of being together. You’d then long for those and when you’re not able to get what you want, frustration, disappointment and anger would ensue. You would be pointing fingers at each other for the sadness and the feeling of dissatisfaction. And when that happens, believe me, the relationship would crumble because one or both of you will look for that “excitement” with someone else.
Infidelity is as common as eating when you’re hungry. It satisfies the “hunger within”. It brings back all the excitement that you’re longing from your loved one. You’d feel as though what you’re doing is right because you feel like you’re on Cloud 9 again. And you’d convince yourself that you should get out of your current relationship because this is “THE ONE”. But, all this euphoria is just TEMPORARY! After a few months/years you’d be in the exact situation that you were in. You know why? Because instead of finding the solution to your problem you actually just “ran away” from it. So, how will you know what to do the next time it happens with your “current flame” when you didn’t actually find a way to solve it? And for sure you’ll feel unhappy again, question the relationship and look for someone else… And the cycle goes on and on…
The key to a successful relationship is “NOT FINDING THE PERFECT PERSON BUT LOVING THE IMPERFECT PERSON PERFECTLY”. I know you may find this quote anywhere, be it the internet or books. But it is true and it will give you the lasting love that you are looking for.
Falling in love is a natural thing but sustaining it is not. Keeping the flame burning is hard work. If you want your love to last, you have to work at it day in and day out. Are you familiar with the expression “The Labor of Love”? It especially is true with every relationship. It takes time, effort, patience and understanding. And although it may seem hard, if you truly love the person, then you’d do everything just to keep it together, right?
If you’re looking for “true love” and aren’t sure if you’ve found it, “falling out of love” would give you the answer. Falling out of love in the sense that in the course of your relationship and you feel unhappy, in doubt if you’re with the right person, you have the urge to see other people and you feel that you’re ready to leave him/her but aren’t quite sure. That is the context that I’m talking about. When you feel all these things and feel tempted to “stray”, but, CHOOSE TO STAY AND LOVE THE PERSON YOU’RE WITH then that’s TRUE LOVE. And when you choose love congratulations because that is the foundation of a truly lasting relationship!
And when you have chosen to love, then try to work on it. Talk AND listen to each other. Maybe that’s the reason why you’re “stuck in a rut”. Tell each other how you feel. Understand where the hurt is coming from. What’s making you unhappy. What you’re missing. Maybe you’re missing the company of each other because you’ve both been busy with work or your kids. Then make time for each other. Go out on a date once a week. If you have kids, have someone look after them while you’re gone. Set aside an “US” time and make sure you do it regularly. It definitely helps. Sometimes, the answer to your relationship woes is as simple as making time for each other. So, go ahead and have a heart to heart talk. Show each other that you’re willing to work on your relationship and keep the love alive because that’s how important it is to you and how much you love him/her. Love is a feeling AND a decision. Both work hand in hand for your relationship to last. It is more than just SAYING I love you… It is also SHOWING that you really do.